football AU (watersports edition)

kept getting linked that one fucking NFL piss factoid and i kind of lost my mind. this is mostly just "two guys ogling each other while they take a piss, repeatedly"

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so like........the Black Mesa Inter-Disciplinary Football Team! gordon really isnt big about playing, what with all the cranial trauma to worry about, but the science crew ropes him into it anyway since they dont have a huge amount of young, fit players to go around. (they promise him unlimited breadsticks at olive garden as a thank you, and he cant resist.)

so the thing about gordon is, hes not really used to all the......machismo. hes a fucking nerd, right? dudes whipping each other with wet towels and slapping each others backs hard enough to rattle their skulls isnt exactly his normal scene. hes kind of weirded out by it. even more so when he sees the other players just......drop trou and whip it out and take a piss on the sidelines like its fucking nothing. he catches benrey doing it too and is immediately like "what the fuck, man" and tries to avert his eyes

but benreys just like "bro whats your problem. its normal. get with the program MIT boy" and, you know, gordon figures out why theyre just. doing that. (its because getting all the way back to the locker rooms is a bitch and a half. why is black mesa even built this way? and why do they even have a goddamn football field in the first place? they dont even have dental!) he figures this out when hes downed one too many paper cups of powerade and, well, nature takes its course.

now envision with me, if you will, gordon freeman as the tall, stringy nerdy dude all flushed and sweaty and embarrassed as benrey and the others are slapping his back and encouraging him to just fuckin do it, man. the peer pressure gets to him, and hes just like "okay, fucking, fine, jesus". benreys watching him like a hawk. and hes literally standing right next to gordon, what the fuck. and somehow gordon struggles through the insane performance anxiety and, you know, manages to take a piss in front of god and everyone and theyre all like "fuck yeah bro" and keep slapping him on the back like its normal. what the fuck

now lets make one thing perfectly clear: benreys extremely, nakedly into this. hes not even trying to hide it. hes staring right at gordons dick and watching him do it but gordons so embarrassed and oblivious to homoeroticism that he doesnt even notice. he just thinks benreys leaning into all the machismo to fuck with him.

the weird thing is, once gordon overcomes that initial barrier, he feels less......painfully nervous about the whole endeavor. he doesnt turn 180 degrees away from the others and stare at his shoes. (mostly because benrey bullies him and calls him a little bitch when he does this.) everybody else seems to be real casual about it, so gordon figures hell invite less scrutiny if he tries to......blend in a little. not avert his eyes so much. (this is what he tells himself, anyway. but he cant deny theres a little morbid curiosity involved. like, theres something weirdly......risque about it? like hes just being allowed to get away with, like, being a little fucking voyeur. hot shame crawls up his neck, but its not like hes looking away).

and then, you know, theres benrey. and he catches benrey just taking a piss like normal. no shame. and gordon tries to be discreet about it, but, like, he kind of isnt. benreys seen his dick already, right? fairs fair. and hes rooted in place by the surprise of seeing how big his fuckin meat is. and also by the shock of just.......seeing him do it.

that sick voyeuristic impulse in the back of his head unlocks something ugly inside of him and a hot flush blooms over gordons entire face and neck as he realizes that this is hot to him. hes literally never had thoughts like this in his entire life, b/c hes spent all of his previous communal bathroom/locker room time steadfastly maintaining that heterosexual distance from the other guys and never, ever looking. not even letting himself come close. and then he drags his eyes up at last, and theres benrey, staring right back at him

and then benrey fucking grins at him and gordon feels like he wants to be struck by lightning on the spot. he wants the earth to crack open underneath him and swallow him whole. with that, theres the sudden unspoken understanding that they are both very fucking weird right now, but gordon cant move or speak or do fucking anything but turn bright fucking red from head to toe. and benrey doesnt say anything right away. just shakes his hog (twice) and tucks himself away and slaps gordon on the back with the same hand he just touched his dick with, oh my god

after that, benrey starts, like......showing off. when theyre in halftime, he busts it out way out in the fucking open, like a goddamn animal, legs spread wide and an arm braced against a wall. and he waits until he knows gordons watching him. and he watches gordon the whole time hes doing it, too. god, what is fucking wrong with him? why isnt he looking away?

(the answer to this is, of course, the fact that gordon freeman is a little fucking pervert and something about the sheer confidence in benreys stance and the paradoxical arousal from the sense of revulsion that he knows he should be getting but isnt is keeping him fixated.)

its getting harder for gordon to focus on the game. he barely knows why hes still trying. and benrey knows this, too, and gordon knows that he knows, and its all making him rock half a boner (or worse) the whole goddamn game.

being horny makes gordon stupid. so he tests the waters by doing the same thing back to benrey: fighting back the shame and embarrassment and just, whipping out his dick at the edge of the field in between plays and taking a piss like a completely normal and regular guy. except that, you know, hes waiting for benrey to be looking right at him and deliberately trying to show off his dick. and benrey stares unabashedly again, because this has always been a horny thing for him, and if gordons gonna show off his dick like that, well, why not

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