scraps n ideas

a bunch of assorted ideas id been kicking around over the past year and only just now got around to compiling. theres, uh, a lot of weird stuff in this one. i promise its not all about co-op game theory. personally i think the wedding one is a winner

[← back]




god. i want him to think about benrey at night. i want him to think about those dark eyes intently focused on him... the way benrey looks him up and down... calling him a clumsy boy, a dirty boy... hed already know what benreys arms feel like when theyre wrapped around him. the warmth and strength of it... hed know what benreys hands feel like, what they look like when hes messing with guns or health packs or the screws on gordons HEV suit. hed think about benrey... rubbing him through the suit... pulling his cock out of it and stroking him off...

i bet he would fantasize about. weird things. having his arms bound... or pinned... trapping him in place so he cant do anything but squirm while benrey pumps him in his fist





i just came in here to sigh forlornly about a scene i want to write for co-op game theory but its gonna be like another 100k fucking words before i get there... so look you have to understand: i want this particular scene, and the context for it, to happen, but planning ahead for it enough to just write it in full ahead of time is a failure idea b/c you have no fucking idea how off the rails things are right now. i made a timeline and scrapped like 80% of it before i even got to chapter 8

as in like i literally drew a line and plotted events on it and almost none of it happened how i envisioned it. theres a big bullet point that says "NO kleiner/barney scene" and that clearly didnt happen b/c i decided i needed it anyway. so, that said... i am going to post Context that is definitely going to be a spoiler, but there is the distinct possibility that its not going to happen in the end. but i really want it to b/c it is pivotal to some things

super spoilery specifics: theyre about to get to black mesa soon, and thats the part where gordon has the very concrete realization that This Isnt A Video Game Anymore. b/c he sees his dick and has a panic attack. but tl;dr: if its not a game anymore, that means he can do whatever he wants. and when he gets the dune buggy, he kind of snaps and just looks at benrey and is like "hey dude. so you know that 'call of the hero' shit i got sucked into? what if we just didnt fucking do any of that. do you wanna go on a road trip" and they literally fuck off entirely from the story of half life 2 and go on a road trip into the bulgarian wastes outside of city 17

less spoilery specifics: it gets cold in bulgaria. and when these guys are out and about, roughing it in the winter nights, gordon figures out the hard way that without the HEV suit exhaust to keep him warm, that little black jumpsuit isnt built for insulation at all. so he has to choose btwn "sleeping awkwardly in armor that is not meant for sleeping in" or "freezing to fucking death". so, you know. what if he shared some body heat with his best frenemy

b/c... look. i dont think that even the newest iteration of the HEV suit was meant to be worn for extended periods of time (on the order of days). and i really doubt that something that was designed as armor would include a whole lotta thermal protection by default. so maybe its waterproof, yeah, but that doesnt mean it would keep his ass warm by necessity

im really hung up on this fucking suit i hate gordon freeman. i need to think about how i want benrey to react to a dead freakin body, not how i want him to react to a dumb contrived scene where gordons stuck in the bodysuit in the cold and they need to share body heat

> I bet that the under suit would trap moisture if he got wet. And Bulgaria is probably pretty chilly... You wanna see Gordon peeled like a banana. Unwrapped like a present. You want Benrey to be a starry-eyed kid who got a new bike for Christmas, except he’s a 37 year old man seeing his bro’s cock.

its. its the vulnerability okay. being almost fully exposed even when hes in the bodysuit... clinging to everything and not even given the opportunity to hide any burgeoning boners. he cant hide anything! hes already so fucking obvious with all his body language! and i want to see him be made to huddle with benrey under a single blanket while hes shivering half to death in that stupid clingy bodysuit

i just cant stop thinking about the stupid bodysuit!!! about him getting grabbed and held and feeling another body against his for the first time in ages and being totally unable to disguise how it makes him feel

> Just that feeling of comfort and warmth and it’s probably hitting different after everything he’s gone through and it feels so INTENSE even though it’s “just a game” and… oh man. Him justifying it being okay because it’s just a game is a good idea too. Once he realizes it isn’t. The D I L E M M A

thats a real guy with a body he cant stop thinking about (because its weird that benrey has a body under there, okay, not b/c he likes it) and now its up close and personal and its so much warmer under there with benrey and

> He’s cozy with his frenemy and he likes the cozy and hates the part that’s gay. Because something tells me Gordon “Repressed Bisexual” Freeman would be incensed that his first DUDE ENCOUNTER OF THE MAN KIND would be… some weird, creepy video game haha boy. And I like that quiet seething while a voice in the back of his head is like HAHA YOU LIIIIKE THIS.

he would be so fucking pissed about it. theres other guys out there! barney is literally Right There. but nooo he wants the epic random fucking sociopath to suck his dick

> To be fair Benrey would be better at that than Barney methinks. Blowjob cheat codes.

i choose to believe this. no gag reflex + gordons incredibly average dick + long, long tongue = throat goat

cue the awkward and distressing realization that benreys built like a fucking space heater, b/c hes got the body of a Real Guy, and not just polygons clackin together... and also that gordon is 100% the one making it awkward b/c benreys just trying to fuckin sleep but gordons having a gay frenemy crisis and risking his ass cheeks freezing/falling off. normal guy literally incapable of platonic touch b/c hes been getting hot and bothered over his bud for days now and he doesnt like it or understand it but here he is: essentially hoverhanding the guy hes trying not to freeze to death with. and he keeps hogging the one fucking blanket or whatever theyve got going on b/c he wont get close enough

and then theres close quarters slapfighting when gordon attempts to commit murder by jamming his ice-cold hands under benreys shirt and benrey tries to kill him back but like, more literally. and hes loudly wondering what gordons fucking problem is, why is he being such a child baby

so tl;dr he gets manhandled into place, full body contact, face to face, foreheads nearly touching and breathing each others breath and gordon is so, so convinced theyre gonna kiss. this is a kissing situation. but benreys just bitching him out and cracking stupid jokes and not reading the room at all. hes gotta do everything him-fucking-self in this world. and so they kiss and make out and grind and nut on each other or whatever OKAY

and hes STUCK in the FUCKING bodysuit the whole time b/c theres no reason for him to take it off! benrey gets to unzip his fly and  whip his dick out but he has to come inside the suit and be stuck like that and he has to live with the shame of coming fully clothed and all but untouched, b/c i hate him
i envision that it unzips in the front but it doesnt go all the way down to the dick zone

im just mildly fucking obsessed with the whole situation of having to be pressed that close together with their faces not even an inch apart and benreys just fucking with him by acting like he cant read the room. he can, bud. its just funnier to see gordon all heavy breathing and licking his lips in anticipation and then getting visibly madder and madder when benrey doesnt take the bait (the bait that gordons not even aware hes laying out, mind you, hes just a little bit of a slut for his best bro and doesnt fully grasp that)

road triiiip (immediately sucks and fucks my bro once i am free of the confines of urban life)




sigh... i keep thinking about... bigger benrey. i want to make it be canon to co-op game theory. and i want to have it be. uh. something that benrey kind of gets stuck doing for awhile... like he cant intentionally get back to his default size. somethings preventing him from doing it

i still have the idea to have him like... expand to fill a room. as a bit. like "gordon tells him he should just get huge and deal with their airship problem" and so hes like "uhh ok" but he forgets to turn noclip off first so he just bunches up and his limbs start hitting the walls and knotting up like a cartoon characters and maybe he touches an exposed wire or something and the electricity fucks with his ability to manipulate himself. this is so stupid

but i want him to be Just A Bit Bigger for awhile. size... differance... him getting stuck just a little bigger than gordon. like 8 or 9 feet at most. big enough to make gordon feel definitively Small in comparison. and the ease with which benrey can just push him around and lift him up and hold him in place instantly makes gordon feel like hes losing his fucking mind. the violent force with which it turns him on is shocking. he has never, ever felt like this in living memory, because hes always been a Big Guy compared to his peers. gordons, like, noticeably more flustered around benrey when he starts pulling his high school bully shit. his jacked-up security guard shit. hes starting to get boners at really inappropriate times, is the point

like... for example... when benreys trying to get his HEV suit off. hes filthy, okay? and hes got a bandage that could really use replacing. and benreys the only one that can get it off of him. but hes so fucking big that hes not accustomed to using all these little tools, unscrewing all these little screws. hes really focused on it. and hes pushing and pulling gordon into place, manhandling gordon like hes not even fully there... and then he. he has to get the leg armor off, right? so he hoists gordon up by his waist without even thinking about it, sitting him on a workbench, and gordons half hard under that bodysuit by the time benrey kneels in front of him and pushes one of gordons legs out so he can grasp uselessly at the clamps on his thighs

gordons trying so hard to think about baseball, think about kleiner, think about literally anything that isnt benreys huge hands spreading his legs. but by the time benreys done, hes flushed and breathing noticeably harder. he wants it bad. he wants benrey to force his legs apart and mouth at the bulge in his suit until hes shaking. but he wll never, ever admit it

anyway tl;dr i think that he should ask benrey to help him get the undersuit off, too. get benrey to unzip him and stare at all the pale flesh that spills out and not drool too much





i have a really specific Relationship State i really want them to get to. which is. that prodromal period where everybody around them can tell Something Is Up but gordon is extremely oblivious. i really like that kind of, like, outside perspective...

> Oh god. The embarrassing "everyone can see it but them" phase that they'll slap their heads over later?

yse... once they have solidly become best friends but gordon doesnt know what that term means, clearly, b/c hes never had a best friend before, so he doesnt fully get that its weird to always be thinking about benrey and talking about benrey and giggling when benrey messes with him and making excuses to put his hands on him and, you know, getting his dick sucked by him

embarrassingly i keep thinking about that "blowjob brothers" tweet and being reminded of them. how strongly gordon would react. how embarrassed! how did they know?! theyre not blowjob brothers, he wouldnt even think about sucking benreys dick, not even if benrey did it first-- what, why are you looking at him like that

the dark implication in benreys voice every time he refers to them as best friends... the shared glance with gordon, the elbow in his side... its. good thoughts





i dont know how exactly you could get this and still have them acting in character but its just... nice to think about them trying to be nice even if they dont know what theyre doing

especially in the world of co-op game theory... like... for very long stretches of time they are the only person the other has. benrey is the only person gordons got around that could give a shit whether he lives or dies, and gordon is for sure the only one who seriously cares about benrey, whether he likes it or not

> They’re basically the only people in their bubble.

yeah... and i think about... sometimes... that one. bath RP thing we did. where benrey is actively, seriously trying to just give gordon the one thing that he asked for that he can make happen. b/c he does so much for gordon at gordons request... benrey became the bad guy just for him. he didnt even want to, but gordon wanted him to, so he did it. and for why... who can say

but i know were gonna break gordon over our knee a bunch of times. and... just one of those times... it would be nice if he got some relief. i dont necessarily want benrey to fuckin rock him in his arms and be super emotionally available or whatever but it would be nice if gordon could freak out and benrey could maybe brush his hair about it. i dont know

> Something Benrey believes is soothing for something Benrey isn’t 100% sure how to handle. Maybe after Gordon’s big breakdown when Benrey decides to make amends and he’s trying very hard to just Do What Needs To Be Done and Gordon just appreciating the gesture even if it’s off the mark.

i want to get to them actually learning to connect with each other emotionally so fucking bad... its not fair. why cant i get somebody to write my fic for me so i can see them falling in love without having to work so hard for it





so... its... extremely embarrassing. but ive had it on my mind for a little bit. ever since we watched that one stream holly did with benrey, and benrey acted out that one little skit/play with the gordon model that was, like, really cartoonish and silly... making gordon say "oh benrey youre so cool i like you sooo much" ... ive been reading it as like. basically what benrey himself would do. revealing what he was thinking, what he thinks gordon should have thought. i dont know how exactly to connect this to the idea i had but i swear it makes sense to me and im not totally insane

but like. it makes me think that this is something he likes to do. construct cartoonish little fantasies in his head about the people that are the most focal to him. gordon especially. and then i started thinking like... some people joke that most of what goes thru benreys head is like, cartoonish imagery of them getting married. a weird little fantasy where gordon is pretty out of character and benrey "acts" as him in a kind of childish, simplified manner. i think its... kind of a cool trait. like playing dolls in his head. hes convinced that he did everything right and gordon should have reacted positively and decided they were best friends and etc (at least from his perspective). its all like... cartoonishly exaggerated and idealistic and a little spiteful and its cute. okay

anyway tl;dr somehow i connected A to B and i thought. what if... benreys own fantasies arent the overblown, elaborate, extremely fucking weird things that go thru gordons head. (i like to think that gordons got some seriously weird fantasies given the stuff he cracks jokes about all the time.) but... what if benreys whole romantic/sexual fantasy here was just like. they get married! because in movies and stuff people get married and then they go on a honeymoon and thats when you get to bang. its what he thinks people do in general, like hitting beats in a storyline. a weird little fantasy where benreys interpretation of gordon is pretty out of character and idealistic. like "of course were getting married benrey. we love each other very much and tommy your best friend is officiating it and he is so happy for us. sunkist is our ringbearer" and the dog brings them the fucking rings

that whole stream could be taken as benrey trying to give himself a made-up backstory that hits a bunch of stereotypical emotional beats. trying to make himself more human. so this is his fantasy: getting married, b/c thats what you do when you want to have sex w/someone

and, yeah, theyre both guys, but just like in all the fanart, in his fantasy one of them has to wear the dress, b/c thats what people getting married do. usually its gordon. and theyd look so cute in their little married outfits and everybody would be happy and then afterward hed get to pull the garter off gordons leg with his teeth and theyd go back to their big honeymoon suite with a heart shaped bed and they would get to have sex and make baby. (again, theyre both guys, and he knows this, but part of the fantasy is just... acting it out. doing what Normal People do before they settle down in their house with a picket fence and 2.5 kids. part of the fantasy is being normal.)

> benrey fantasizes about them having sex in the missionary position after their beautiful wedding

literally this. this is what i believe. i think it is a very funny contrast to gordon "cannot stop talking about piss for 2 seconds" freeman. he is a normal guy with emotions and plot and backstory. look, hes proving it with his normal human fantasy life

gordon "i dont realize how much other people are carrying me and tolerating me in my daily life despite giving them no reason to do so" freeman, failing to realize that benrey is playing along for his sake, like he literally always has done. he became the bad guy just for gordon. why wouldnt he play along when gordon starts making loud, awkward jokes about needing to piss when they are literally just in a public restroom. he straight up DID that

but anyway like i think he would get really into the trappings of the fantasy. you smoosh cake on each others faces, because you have to smoosh the cake. and there has to be a dress, too. sometimes its on him, sometimes its on gordon, but there has to be a dress because its a wedding. and they are going to be married forever because gordon likes him very much in this fantasy.

and after the party hes going to sweep gordon up off his feet and toss him onto that heart-shaped bed with the fucking rose petals on it and hes going to try to nut in gordon as many times as he physically can b/c that is also part of the fantasy, u see. the picket fence and the 2.5 kids. you cant have that last bit unless you fuck like crazy. and even if they are very much both dudes with dicks, that doesnt really throw a wrench in the fantasy. b/c ultimately the appeal is in the heteronormativeness of it all, trying to cram an extremely weird relationship into the narrow definitions of what a capital-r Relationship is supposed to look like to society at large. like... mirroring it, b/c benrey doesnt fully Get it, but he knows that he likes gordon and he wants to fuck gordon so this is him putting A and B together and tl;dr they should get married, in his opinion.

i dont know! i like it when gordon gets force femmed! i think that benrey should suck his dick under the massive white skirt of gordons dress and benrey should bury his head between those thighs like hes straight up eating gordon out! i think that benrey should fuck him while hes halfway out of his wedding dress and benrey wants so bad to come in him because he wants to do what every good husband does! being married is about having a big party and then having a bunch of honeymoon sex until you Make Baby

Sorry for all the words i just think gordon freeman should get railed in a dress. Okay. Bye




(sigh) im still thinking about. the milking thing

i just... thought it would be cute. if gordon was in that cow print bikini outfit for some reason. bullied into it for one reason or another... or maybe doing something wayyy out of his comfort zone b/c it makes him feel. yknow. attractive. and in comes benrey when hes wearing the most humiliating outfit of his life

and... hes immediately fucking embarrassed but... its not like benreys making fun of him. in fact, benreys staring at him. hes never seen gordon wearing something so revealing and obscene in his life. so outwardly, outrageously sexual in design. i just want benrey to be a little fuckin captivated by the way his dick looks in cow print panties okay. sue me

i just. i just think he should be milked. benrey starts mumbling something inane about how every cow needs a good milkin, just like his mamamoola taught him, and gordon is so incredulous that he forgets to be embarrassed for a moment... until benrey pulls up a milking stool and makes the filthiest hand gesture hes ever seen in his life and gordons so distracted by where the fuck he got that from that it takes him a moment to catch on

"you-- you cant have my milk!" all shocked and sputtering and giggling nervously. as is his wont

but hes already half hard in that little number just from the sheer humiliation of it all. the way benreys looking at him like he wants to eat him alive. who is he kidding

> Is he gonna make Gordon sit in his lap on the stool? Hold him there?

he. he could. i dont know that he would go along with it right away but. i bet. i bet after pulling gordon closer by his hips... pulling those panties aside and watching his dick spring free... stroking him, slow and steady, adding a bit of lube so his grips nice and slick the whole time... never going any faster, making gordons legs shake from how good benreys hands feel... he could. be amiable. to a lot of things





so im. kind of wild about. being told to be quiet... having my mouth covered... etc. and ive been. thinking. about... benrey feeling gordon up through the suit and getting him off... somewhere semi-public like a bathroom or a closet. and benrey having to tell his loud ass to be quiet... unless he wants to get caught like this, his dick straining against that bodysuit, bucking up against benreys hand... hair starting to come loose from his ponytail... face flushed and eyes wrenched shut

is that what he wants? does he want everybody to know what they get up to when theyre alone? he seems so deadset on telling everybody that theyre just friends, yknow, and sometimes not even that, depending on how mad he is at benrey at any given time

is this what friends do? getting pressed up against the wall of some dark closet, parting their legs so benrey can press one of his big, strong hands against the hard-on that hes responsible for in the first place, all dragging gordon away to kiss him senseless... its. its like. its demeaning... a little condescending...

> I know you like that kind of thing~ Bet Gordon does too. Flushed with embarrassment. Trying to keep his voice down anyway. He could just NOT but there’s sweat on his brow and he has to choose between people listening and KNOWING or getting Benrey’s goat by just letting it rip. And he’s angry and turned on and feels his chest aching from the struggle of keeping quiet.

hes just so fucking LOUD and he cant really help it! so he keeps slipping up and benreys gotta whisper into his ear... shushing him... telling him to be quiet, bro, or else hell stop... leave him here like this. its not like benrey cares, honestly. he wouldnt mind if they got walked in on. then theyd know that this is his. he gets to do this to Gordon Freeman, savior of the free world or whatever... hes the only one that gets to. hes the only one thats ever gotten him to shake and whimper like this. hes better than all those boring ex-girlfriends gordon keeps talking about, better than barney, better than alyx, because hes figured out just what makes gordon tick and he could give two shits who knows

but... gordon would die, probably. its already painfully obvious that theres something Weird between them, some unspoken tension whenever theyre around each other. (hes not really aware of this, though.) if everybody knew that Gordon Freeman is out here sneaking away to get off with his "best friend" when hes supposed to be, like, above that... hes supposed to be saving the world, for one fucking thing... hed just die! on the spot! and it gets him so fucking hot when benrey croons into his ear like that that he cant help but snap his mouth shut and whine wordlessly, switch to a desperate stage whisper so he can demand that benrey keeps going, dont fucking stop, hes so close

hed be so fucking desperate. he hasnt gotten off in ages, hasnt even known how he would or where hed find the time, all hes had is that busted-ass suit function that purports to suck him off but has just left him feeling frustrated and wanting. and benreys been taunting him for days, now, pushing and pushing and doing shit that gets him so hot but never breaching that boundary between them - the knife thing, the bathroom thing... he wants it so fucking badly that it doesnt take but some heavy petting to get him close to the edge. especially like this

im just convinced that gordon would have a long history of totally average sex with totally average girlfriends, and would have repressed a lot of shit b/c hes worried about seeming too weird. but... now hes getting hot for a guy. a guy who is really, really condescending and demeaning to him. a guy who hes ended up being closer to than anybody else he knows, just through coincidence and circumstance. he didnt want to end up being this close to benrey... but life-changing, death-defying journeys across future-bulgaria do things to a guy, okay? and this is a guy who has weird, reality-bending powers that let him indulge in a lot of shit he never could have dreamed of before. theres no way gordon could ever fucking go back

theyre practically made for each other. tom and jerry. enkidu and gilgamesh. benreys the only one that can give him exactly what he fucking wants before he even realizes he wants it

and benreys not letting him go, either. he caused the fucking resonance cascade so he could keep hanging out with gordon. he flitted all through xen to find him. hes spent all this time keeping gordon alive, because gordons fun. he doesnt get why, of course, but something about gordons laughter and blushing and hotheaded vitriol satisfies him on some base, primal level. he wants to keep playing with gordon. he wants to push gordon in every possible way he can. and hes going to get extremely fucking salty when it looks like gordons developing romantic interests that arent him





its like "aww what if they were pokemon" -> what if they had to be on the same team and learn how to work together -> what if their trainer (e.g. tommy) got tired of dealing with their bullshit and dropped them off at daycare for a little while to catch a break -> what if there was some serious misunderstanding on their part as to why they were there -> what if they had a truly insane marathon breeding session, b/c im insane

i was... thinking about. uh. well. the buizel/typhlosion thing. but... theyve both been super contentious with each other and annoying to deal with so they get dropped off at the day care center to put their metaphorical get-along shirt on, if u will

but theres kind of a misunderstanding... see, benreys taken to understand that they daycare center is where pokemon go to, yknow, breed. nobody really drops their pokemon off there for other reasons, right? (so far as he knows.) so hes making a bunch of crass jokes and innuendo and heavily implying that hes Down, okay

gordon, naturally, thinks hes insane. and wayyy out of line. so he spends the first day just running around and playing and playfighting with benrey and doing your average pokemon stuff that youll see them doing in-game

this is. extremely fucking embarrassing and soooo far beyond what is normal for an AU and im. very sorry

but. night falls. and they get shepherded back to their kennel or equivalent. and they have to board up together, because, you know, its the daycare center. theyre expecting two pokemon put in together to... yknow. mate. etc. they arent really expecting two pokemon with Interpersonal Problems to room together. and its cozy and private and etc etc. <- insane post

and gordon tries to fall asleep but... its a lot harder than he expects when he can hear it. when he can smell it. its not a disreputable place by any means, and they keep everything clean and cozy and presentable, but its hard to ignore the sounds and smells of a dozen pokemon mating all around you. b/c thats what this place is for, okay. theyre the odd ones out here

and benreys just curled up in his own little pokemon bed and... watching him. eyes dark. he doesnt have to say "i told you so" to get his point across, but he does anyway, b/c it gets gordons goat and thats what hes really after. meanwhile, gordon still thinks hes insane. but he cant help but remain wide awake no matter how insistently he tries to sleep, curled up facing away from benrey b/c he Cannot look the guy in the eye when hes hearing the loud yowls of a persian getting fucked in the next kennel over. and when hes. uh. when hes... starting to peek out of his sheath a little, b/c all the sounds and smells are starting to get to him

its stupid, right? they cant do that. theyre both guys, for one thing, and hes pretty sure theyre too far removed from each other in the whole, like, Tree of Life for it to work, besides. theyre-- their trainer wouldnt have put them in here for that. right? benreys not really pushing the issue anymore, just taking the occasional potshot at him and starting to doze off himself, but he cant help but wonder. and think about it. how would it... work? he doesnt even-- hes not even sure benreys got the parts. and hes got all that fire spewing out of him, besides.

itd be like sticking your dick into an oven. no thanks.

and so he dozes off fitfully himself, and he dreams. very vivid dreams. dreams about... well. the call of the wild. etc. the next day, he feels distinctly more awkward, but benreys still cajoling him like he always does. baits him into playfighting. training. etc. and when gordons mind starts to wander, prompted by all the rolling around and tussling, and his dick starts to peek out of his sheath again, benreys polite enough not to say anything beyond "yo... your dick out."

it still makes gordon storm off in a huff - why did he have to say something about it?! but its gordon who cant stop mulling it over, not benrey. hes the one who cant get the idea out of his head.

so that night, when they go back to their little nest, benrey baits him into playing. again. and this time, when theyre fighting and sweating and laughing in their little nest of blankets and cushions, benrey... pins him. face down. bites the nape of his neck, like hes seen other buizel do to each other.

and gordons hips instinctively shoot up. lordosis position. he gasps, but he doesnt move, mind racing

and tl;dr i want gordon to be face down, ass up, exposing himself all embarrassed and vulnerable-like while benrey yanks his tail back and inspects him. looks at his hole and his aching dick, red and fully-extended and dripping. and i want gordon to be all indignant about it, demanding to know why benreys staring at him like that, stammering about how he doesnt even know how this is supposed to work, okay, hes never done this before. and i want benrey to fuck him silly and come in him as many times as he can, because he bets he can get it to take. theyll just have to keep trying until it does, right

(its not going to work, of course, but. look. this is insane furry breeding kink stuff. its an excuse for them to marathon fuck and for gordon to get so lost in it that he demands that benrey keeps fucking him, hes not even doing it right, how are they supposed to make an egg if benrey wont fuck him right?? and i want him to get his belly rubbed and get crooned to about how he was fucking made for this, he takes it so easy, who was he kidding? hes wanted it so bad that benrey could smell it on him)

and, yknow. it fulfills the purpose. of why they were sent there in the first place. when they come back out, its painfully obvious that Something Changed. gordon was always a touchy-feely little guy, but now theyre practically inseparable! (and theyre still trying to beat the shit out of each other on a regular basis, but still.)





keep thinking about... edging. benrey pushing gordon until hes about to break but pulling away at the last second and making him angrier and more desperate on each pass... and. um. god. especially. the moment where benrey decides to let him come

going from taunting and teasing and acting like he doesnt care to breathing heavily through his mouth, rock hard, laser-focused on gordon... touching him the way he wants to be touched, finally, encouraging him and telling gordon to come for him and pumping his dick with those big hands of his and . i dunno

> Gordon writhing and red faced and panting and getting told he can let go and the full-fucking body sensation of finally getting off. Just pouring over Benrey’s hand.

yeah... the panting... the begging... begging benrey not to stop this time, seriously, he cant take it anymore!

and. and benreys not stopping. hes leaning close and breathing heavily in gordons ear and telling him to do it, cmon, he looks so fuckin good for him, and gordons stammering and getting louder and begging benrey to make him, make him

bucking up into benreys grip... chest heaving... legs shaking... spilling over an hours worth of pent up frustration into benreys hand and making the loudest, highest noises when he does, only able to say benreys name, over and over

> He’s so fucking out of his mind trying to keep himself focused on not coming before he does that he can’t even say Benrey’s name right.





i really... really like the thought of benrey being bossed around on how to fuck gordon properly. i think its. really good. b/c in my onion the only way they can get to the point of gordon being willing to bottom for him is A) a 500k slowburn lead-up with a bunch of emotional character development or B) somebody to catalyze the reaction btwn them

its just... its... yknow... its that lack of empathy on benreys part. not b/c hes actively malicious but b/c he doesnt get people. hes almost certainly experienced with gay sex himself but probably doesnt even begin to get what a big deal it is to be some poor repressed bisexuals first anal experience. and i think it would help a lot if he were... shown what to do. to make it nice for gordon specifically

ive had basically an identical train of thought before but with barney in place of tommy. its a Trust thing, and even though im a frenrey guy its very obvious that gordon trusts tommy more than benrey. and also like. in general. i. i really... like... cucking. and voyeurism. i love the thought of somebody getting off on watching their partner fuck or be fucked

and. i like the thought of... benreys trembling impatience while hes getting gordon ready, b/c he has to listen to exactly what tommy says. and if tommy tells him to be patient, hes gotta be patient. like he already wanted to fuck gordon from the get go but seeing how gordons getting all stammer-y and panting and wrenching his eyes shut... legs trembling when tommy tells him to push deeper, add another finger... benreys got everything he could ever want on a silver fucking platter but tommy hasnt fuckin told him he could eat it yet and it probably drives him crazy

being taught a little fucking Empathy for gordon by how long hes being made to wait before he can just bury himself balls-deep

and tommys just over here like, "gotta-- gotta be careful, benrey! you, uh, you dont wanna break mister freeman, do you?" (the answer to that is "yeah actually kinda" but hes playing nice.) and then i looked at the image again and i noticed that they were fucking kissing in it and i kind of went crazy

like... christ... tommy being like "go ahead benrey, show him how you really feel. make it-- make it count :)" and for a split second gordons stomach drops b/c he swears his hole is about to be completely destroyed. but then... benrey just... stares at him. panting. intense. and drops to meet his mouth. this emotionally stunted idiot desperately trying to pour a bunch of feelings into kissing and fucking him and wrapping his hand around gordons leaking dick b/c he cant articulate it even if he wanted to, which he doesnt, b/c gordons a sucks guy and its not like they even like each other or anything, except he totally does and the way gordon wraps his legs around benreys waist and his arms around benreys shoulders and kisses him back (all while whining sharply through his nose on every single thrust) makes it kind of obvious that gordon totally does, too

all while tommys just furiously pounding his meat

i just. i really like. the focus from both of them on making gordon feel good. they wanna make it so good for him so hell want to do it again, and again, and again

and when tommy orders benrey to make gordon come... youd better believe he gives it 110%. tommy can play at being the boss if he wants but gordons gonna come for him, clawing at his shoulders and begging for more. i want him to come with benreys tongue buried in his mouth and benreys hand wrapped around his dick and. christ. Good bye




i only really give a shit about frenrey and tossing a 3rd character in the mix is purely about being a catalyst for those two, but. i. i really like... the idea... of big benrey having a handler. and. being given commands. when hes playing with gordon

like... ghhhh. fucking. gordon being freaked the fuck out, b/c the last time benrey was this big, he tried to kill him... but for benrey and tommy that stuffs just totally normal and tommy wants to put their "get along" shirt on by showing gordon that benreys really not that scary. hell listen to anything tommy tells him.

and... they both catch on really fucking quickly that gordons making it weird-weird. so they both know exactly what theyre doing when tommy starts commanding benrey to lie down, roll over, what have you. commanding him "pick that up". and gordon being forced to extend how much he trusts tommy (a lot) to how much he trusts benrey (not at all)...

i just. i really like scenarios where one or both of them is being given orders by a 3rd person on how to. uh. perform. ordering benrey to give gordon a kiss, and gordons expecting one thing (an actual kiss) but ends up getting licked from top to bottom like a dog... telling benrey "leave it" at strategic points just to edge the hell out of gordon

and its getting harder and harder for both of them to listen... benreys panting and rock hard in his pants and he wants so badly to whip it out and stroke himself and maybe pop gordon in his mouth but hes nothing if not polite and obedient... for the right people, anyway. ultimately i just want gordon to get licked silly so fucking bad. i keep coming back to it over and over again





i was just thinkin about... gordon getting rubbed thru his HEV suit... by. uhhh. big benrey

something just seems really nice about being held in a big pair of hands... having to trust them completely. whether you like it or not really. the pressure and the. the suits... functions... its just not enough! you could make him want it so bad

benrey could hold him in place and breathe into his ear and laugh at him as he struggles to keep himself from grinding up into it. itd probably be pretty easy to coax him into begging

> Quick, gasping pleading that's at first blunt and brief. Then it's just rapidly chanted like if he says it faster, it'll make Benrey more inclined to help.

jesus. and hes sweating and flushed and strands of his hair are coming out of his ponytail the longer he keeps at it... and benreys so mean... just keeps rocking his thumb between the legs of the HEV suit at the same steady pace

> Just smirking. Watching beads of sweat form at Gordon's brow. Watching his teeth dig into his lip as he tries to choke down words he's too embarrassed to say.





okay. so. messing around in tower unite with the big benrey that tracks your movement... when it looks like hes actually watching you, like hes actually there, its. its genuinely a little intense. i dont talk about how hot it gets me around anybody else b/c oh my god what kind of person experiences genuine arousal at seeing a fucking ps1 model blown up 10x its size

> Like some kind of predator, tracking its prey. Eagle-eyed and just always watching. Interested in you~ Honed in, the sole focus of his attention

its not the same as having a normal sized person watch you or turn their head to look at you. not at all... hes so huge. looking down at you. and his models face at that scale and angle almost looks... curious. intrigued. but still detached

youre so insignificant in comparison. you might as well be a bug. it makes you feel less than human, almost. dehumanized. it makes my heart pound faster and i know thats super fucking weird, b/c again, unironic sexual attraction to hl1 security guard model

> You like being small. The feeling of being tiny. The feeling of being at the mercy of something bigger and firmly in control. Stronger. Able to manhandle you. Able to do with you what they will.

theres something almost... awe-inspiring. terrifying. about capturing the interest of something so much huger than you. genuinely just this indescribable sensation of awe and arousal and helplessness

> It's like, you are so small and insignificant, but the being towering over you has taken you into consideration, against all odds. Almost like you're chosen. It's hard to put into words what I'm thinking, but I'm pretty sure I get where you're coming from. You are the focus of a creature that could have chosen to ignore you, but it didn't. Instead, it has chosen to take an interest in you. It has chosen to pick you up. It has chosen to interact.

and its... its... its such a one-sided encounter. at that size gordon cant do jack shit to get benrey off besides exist. all the focus necessarily has to be on him. unless were talking some serious doll kink stuff where youre just gonna have benrey jerk off or rub his dick on gordon or something without noticing him as a person at all

but for the most part its all about the small one. i really really really really really like service top stuff.

> The small one gets lavished with attention, gets all of the pleasure. It's almost like being worshiped, but by a being of such a caliber that you should be worshiping them.

i like it a lot when benrey focuses so hard. on making. gordon. feel good.

> He focuses on so little and takes nothing seriously. Nothing except for getting and keeping his person's attention.

jesus christ youre right. the only things hes ever fucking taken seriously are trying to get gordons attention and trying to keep gordon from reaching the final boss

> Everything else is moot. All that matters is Gordon. Even when he's gigantic.

hes SO fucking into gordon and SO singularly focused on him even when he tries to pretend like he isnt just to get gordons goat (gordon, gordon, gordon, it all comes back to gordon, doesnt it, the object of his desires, the literal canonical reason benrey even exists as he does?) hes an ai that got spawned into existence by one unlucky asshole playing a video game at the wrong time and now that same ai is in love with him

> To that AI, Gordon is his world.

oh my god i want him to make gordon come in his hands so fucking BAD. i know exactly how, too. ive been thinking about it for months. i want him to rub one out for gordon while telling him the filthiest fucking things

the problem with oral is that you cant talk. and so much of benreys appeal is in the nasty shit he says to gordon

> Well. You know. Benrey is an unstable AI. Or a space god, according to the commentaries. I'm sure he'd have the unique ability to lick all over Gordon, and also tell him nasty, filthy, naughty things that'd make Gordon squirm and whine.

i knooowww theoretically but its hard for me to really immerse myself in the idea... ive always been taken out of things when it feels like his abilities cross some arbitrary line in my head

> He's just a video game man. An AI. He can alter sound files. He can play them when they're not supposed to play. Or, at least tell Gordon between licks.

"between licks" like hes a fucking lollipop! thinking about him just... totally naked and helpless in benreys hands while benreys fully clothed, dick standing at attention, flushed all the way down to his chest... fidgeting in an attempt to cover himself or dodge scrutiny but its impossible

> Benrey's so big and has him right in his palm. There's really no way to hide. He just has to accept that he's on full display, facing a tongue that's almost as big as him. But it's wet and it's soft and it glides over him so smooth, and it's warm, and it's probing every last inch of him. A big, soft, wet tongue that presses against him. Makes him fear he'll be crushed--it's so heavy--but it's just the right amount of pressure and the soft flesh sinks into all the right places. Traces up the inside and outside of his thighs. Across his dick. Up his belly. Over his chest.

> Leaving him wet and slick and hot in Benrey's palm while, between licks--in these agonizing pauses--Benrey begins to tell him how cute his little dick is. How he looks so pretty when he's flushed all red. How, if he were smaller, he'd be able to slip into Gordon so fucking easily. He's all slicked up from the saliva left behind with each lick. Gordon's panting and heaving and full-body flushed while he gasps and holds his breath as one more roll of Benrey's tongue washes over him. He keeps getting so close--living for that feeling of friction and pressure--but it doesn't ever seem like enough, even as each consecutive lick builds him up closer and closer and closer.

> Could be a loooooong process.





listen . i have an extensive canon built up in my head now around how gordon "hlvrai" freeman would, eventually, get over himself and learn to love his hole. something wrong with me i think i got dropped on my head as baby

i think, it would be very funny, for him to get all tense and het up about benrey straying a little too close to his hole while hes getting sucked off. like does he look like that kind of guy? NO, obviously. but benrey just gives him a dead-eyed look like "what do you think a gay guy looks like, gordo" b/c he is literally getting his dick sucked by another gay guy as he speaks. he IS gay now. and, like, i think that being a big brash jock (or ex-jock) type, he genuinely wouldnt be good at mentally picturing himself as A Guy Who Does Butt Stuff. most ostensibly straight guys arent! b/c theres all these ideas of what being a Masculine Man Means wrapped up in most guys' aversions to doing butt stuff. and i think its really fascinating

i also think its really cool to humiliate dudes by making them tackle it so thats kind of what the end goal is, here. i think, it would be funny, if benrey just casually dropped the fact that he totally would fuck gordon freeman like that b/c he is fuckable as he is, big meaty jock and all, and then went right back to sucking him off, and gordon just has to contend with that knowledge for the rest of his life. b/c, like. hes not gonna do it unless gordon asks, bro! hes clearly got some fuckin issues he needs to work out about it first. ideally in the form of "beating off to the thought of it at every possible opportunity until he caves and admits that he wants to try it"

benrey: yeah i would fuck you bro. its whatever (vacuum sloppy noises resuming)

gordon: (meme image of white woman rotating shapes in her mind)

its so like. mundane! and yet so many men are embarrassed and ashamed of their hole! and i for one think its really fucking hot when they are
so: this + my weird fetish for being dispassionately examined = i think he should have to get on his hands and knees and just deal with the fact that benrey is going to have to look at his hole up close and personal if he wants to fuck it. and theres my thesis statement

i just think it would be cute! he would be sooo embarrassed and for what? gay men show hole all the time. its not like banging a girl, bro. the hole is the Objective. its a sexual locus. but like... okay. i like the idea of gordon having. like. just a cute pink hole. its Fine. its completely ordinary and normal. and feeling hideously ashamed and humiliated at the thought of anybody seeing him like that and doing things like that to him and finding him, like. gross. i dont think he would have any fucking conception of what is arousing to other gay men and he wouldnt have anything to worry about, realistically, but he doesnt know that. hes just stuck having to demean himself like nothing else for a dude he doesnt even want to admit to wanting in the first place. and yet, uh, hes still hard, so. jokes on him

i think it would be cool if benrey... spread him open. and examined him

hes sooo tense and clenched sooo tight b/c hes sooo embarrassed to be on his hands and knees, not even able to see what benreys doing back there. but hes always heard its easier in this position, because, like, if youve heard anything about it - like, say, from a curious girlfriend - thats probably one of the first things. and if he wants it hes gonna have to let benrey stretch him open and get him to relax. and, lets be clear, even if he doesnt want to admit it to god or anyone, he really, really wants it. hes a sad poor inexperienced mess whos having to trust somebody he really doesnt know if he can trust and having to take him at his word when he says its fine. i think that trusting somebody with, like, your whole self, all the parts of you that are weird and gross and vulnerable, is some of the rawest shit! especially when you have a million reasons not to! and sometimes anal sex is just like that both literally and metaphorically.

and. like. hes had to learn to trust benrey a lot more by this point anyway, not just when it comes to screwing around. because you have to understand: i do not think gordon "hlvrai" freeman is taking benreys dick without some serious character development on both their parts. this is just... a natural extension of how far hes willing to take it. how far hes willing to let benrey push him. i figure that since all that development is happening in co-op game theory (for me personally), hes already had to learn to trust benrey to keep him alive and stick by him and not get bored and decide hes done with Gordon Freeman. and now hes gotta trust benrey to do all this stuff and not laugh at his hole too much or hurt his feelings or whatever bitch shit

and so. i. uh. i think it would be very cool if. benrey rimmed him. okay

i just think gordon should get rimmed! i think that at the prospect of having For Real Gay Sex (somehow more real than him getting his dick sucked, or sucking dick, or fucking benrey in the ass, because he has straight boy brain disease) he would be very fastidious about, like, being clean and presentable. that said i still dont think he would expect it when benrey licks him Right Fucking There and he would like. yelp and flinch and get all flushed and anxious about it. like, beet fucking red, trying to squirm away - not because it feels bad, which it doesnt; its super weird, an alien and strangely intimate feeling, but its not bad, hes just convinced that this Has to be gross and weird to the other party in the equation. (you know what ANYbodys junk tastes like after a couple minutes? just fucking spit!!! it doesnt taste like anything. calm down) but anyway the point is: hed be squirming and gasping and it would be really cute and i think it would be even cuter if benrey had to uhhh. hold his hips still. tell him to chill to fuck out. and lick him open while gordons stuck ass up face down in one of the most humiliating positons of his life

get him to relax! lick him like a fucking lollipop until hes all wet and slick and relaxed enough to maybe, possibly, begin considering the actual anal sex he came here for! wild thought

and like. um. it would be cool if, visualize with me here, if gordon got rock hard like immediately, just hangin between his legs all red and dripping. i think that would be very slutty of him. hed be taken aback at how good it feels, digging his fingers into the sheets, panting and squeezing his eyes shut... itd be. cute. all while benreys licking more firmly... pressing his tongue deeper on each pass... opening him up and feeling him slowly relax and also groaning like a motherfucker b/c This Is Hot To Him Too, Idiot. Your Boyfriend Is Gay. also like. um. if benrey bit his ass cheek a little that would be cute too. and funny. Ha Ha.

anyway this is all to say, its cool to think about gordon freeman with his hole all slick and messy with spit (and eventually lube) and making the most fucking obscene noises when benrey finally slips his fingers in and starts working him like a fucking puppet. it would be humiliating. hed sound like a girl, like benreys fingering some chick in the back of his car instead of working his best frenemy open while gordons voice breaks the moment he discovers his prostate. i think its great to emasculate dudes and make them feel like pretty lil pillow princesses. gordon freeman deserves it

Why Are You So Obsessed With Mans Hole When You Should Be Focused On Mans Soul #GodBless





benny gets a gordon plushie and gordon finds out and thinks hes being Weird with it. like jacking off on it or something. but he just holds it and takes care of it and dresses it up every once in awhile and gordon literally does not know what to do with that information

"why would i do that. whats wrong with you"

im so fucking crazy about benrey just being a normal guy who wants love and affection and is extraordinarily bad at communicating it, while its gordon freeman who is supremely fucked up and penis-brained and is also extraordinarily bad at communicating it

benrey: i want you to be my little spoon and im going to communicate this by chasing you with a knife

gordon: i want you to totally sexually dominate me and im going to communicate this by trying to kill you

> benreys greatest dream is to hold gordons hand and get married in a church and have missionary sex and meanwhile gordon is jerking off to imagining benrey putting him into his mouth

> these are happening at the same time gordon is beating his meat to this and benrey is laying in his bed kicking his feet in the air like 'i wonder if hes thinking about me...'

i think . that beny loves him sooo much but he is stupid. it takes a lot of devotion to be willing to do anything the other guy wants. even become the bad guy for him

and then to come looking for him... protecting him... patching him up and taking care of him while gordon just gets mad at him a lot of the time ( but sometimes he does play nice and blushes sometimes and thats pretty good). its literally because he is in love. and also he would bully his tiny boyfriend and lick him sloppy b/c he loves him even if gordon freeman is insane horny. he would do that for him





like. okay. i dont know man. ive gotten to the point where ive written "they fuck immediately after the events of hlvrai with zero character development in the interim" so many times that im a little bored of it and i want to play with stuff that could feasibly happen in my dumbass fic now that they are experiencing Character Development. which is a lot of backstory to say, i want to write a benrey POV tickling fic but i couldnt think of a premise that made sense. why would gordon let him do that straight out of hlvrai. that would be weird and contrived. unlike, uhh, One Hundred Thousand Words Of Backstory,

anyway. like. part 2 to this, uhh, narrative, is that i think that black mesa east was a criminally underexplored location. there is literally so much stuff going on there. i think that it is really a shame + a consequence of the super lean game design that gordon freeman never gets to explore, conversate, take a fucking breather out of the HEV suit, etc. and i intend to make full use of it in co-op. Which Means: theres a lot of opportunity for these two to fuck around and goof off while trying not to get caught

gordon gets to wear civilian clothing for awhile! they get to explore a massive subterranean soviet-era research complex! and eat food for once! and theyve already started playfighting a bunch as part of the Intricate Rituals. (thats literally why ive had them slapfighting since benrey first showed up. roughhousing with your boys can be fun! once youve worked out a lot of the genuine bloodthirst, anyway.) so... whos to say that, alongside their lil bully/nerd LARP in the mens room (which is going to be canon to this fic. btw), they cant start bickering and slapfighting in an empty room until benrey figures out he can get the upper hand by tickling gordon until he shrieks.

and then you know. gets a boner b/c he thinks gordons cute when hes laughing and his face is beet red from exertion and hes slapping benrey away but not as hard as benrey knows he could be slapping. practically letting benrey win... weird, huh





i threatened to write a dollhouse frenrey fic like immediately after i finished watching it and i could still. do that

> just make him piss his pants and have to be changed into new pretty dress up clothes or something like u can do whatever shit u want

JESUS! you literally. dont even know how much ive thought about. the amount of things. that you could put in there

> plus you get all of the tee hee play fighting beforehand of benrey being able to poke and prod little gordon

i havent been this outwardly insane in like a fucking year so i am trying to figure out the least insane way to say this next thing, which is, uh, a losing battle. but like. you know how. uhhh. the chat would keep pushing him to the very brink of pissing himself before he was allowed to actually use the restroom. okay. edging him a little, perhaps. i think it would be a cool and fun game, for benrey to do that to gordon, pushing him just a liiiittle harder each time and making gordon wonder if this is gonna be the time benrey pushes him past his limits

like... yknow... bossiness and playful bitching about it turning into a coy kinda begging, like, haha cmon man, you wouldnt, would you? and getting a hot little thrill in his belly every single fucking time he starts to think that benrey would. fun meter maxing out the whole goddamn time and benrey noticing and starting to make fun of him for it, too...

> I'm rotating the prescence of meters around in my mind. Because initially i just thought this was insane "playing house" miscommunication nonsense that leads to dollhouse roleplaying. But meters... i like that angle. Gordon complaining and whining the whole time but his fun meter is increasing. Maybe only benrey can see them from his perspective. Benrey has suddenly a lot of feedback on how gordon is feeling. That would be cool i think

ive been. thinking about this. it was also just kind of a nebulous "playng house" thing in my head before this too but now i am really coming around. i think its extremely good for it to be... like... both. benrey getting a literal actual HUD b/c he wants to fuck with gordon by doing the dollhouse thing... putting him thru some good old fashioned antagonistic torment, u know. gordon gets too annoying, too bossy, whatever, and benrey gets bored. but when gordons need meters are telling the story of somebody whos having a lot of fun doing stupid shit and getting bullied and playing the role... its like, you know, oh, cool. its like that. a little lightbulb going off in benreys head. he hadnt considered that gordon would be like that, and it makes him think about his tactics a little differently

i also think it would be fun if he had access to a lot of different, weirder meters, too. horny meter, obviously, but also funny ones, too. like the Posting on Reddit need meter. like you said... a lot of feedback on how gordon is feeling. its one of the first times that gordons behavior hasnt totally baffled him, b/c hes basically getting a free peek inside gordons head. he can figure out what makes gordon tick and use that to his advantage

he could be yuor angle... or devil. he could delete gordons cellphone when he just wants to see what the funniest new memes are and totally ruin his day, or he could lean in real close and lick his teeth and watch all those meters go haywire

(guy who already wrote thousands of words about big benrey playing with gordon like hes a toy and knowing all of his thoughts and feelings the entire time) I just think its a cool idea for no reason

> i think its cool! like u said, this whole situation has so many new and exciting ways to fuck with gordon. deleting doors or furniture, stocking only stupid outfits in the closet, tormenting him like a sim, the whole nine yards. i think its fun. anyways. i think that gordon having to go through the whole internal struggle of 'god i hope this doesnt awaken anything in me' while benrey has a goddamn boner meter staring him in the face is cool

(deranged) What if he picked gordon up and put him in bed and tucked him in and told him "goodnight bitch" . What then

> gordon batting at his hands ineffectually and being like "im a grown ass man i can go to bed" but ending up scooped up and tucked in anyways. benrey delicately putting a little stupid goddamn sleeping cap on his head. leaning in real close over him. gordon thinks for a sec that hes gonna get a fucking goodnight kiss but hes just being stared at in the dark for a minute until benrey walks away. his heart's pounding and hes all flushed and embarrassed while nicely tucked in bed

here i am just sitting here thinking "man haha it would be funny if gordon hopped in the shower and the little censor bar came up and everything so benrey cant peek but he notices gordons horny meter decreasing suddenly at the end of it. because he was jerking off in there. wouldnt that be crazy" and now im like. twice as fucking deranged





There was. a thought. i was kicking around. about vr gordon getting insanely jealous about benrey jerking around/fucking freemind. b/c i like making him suffer

at this point, like, benreys pretty much fucked every single doppelganger he can get his hands on. at least as for as vr gordons aware. like not just "had sex with" but "actively put his dick inside". and seeing benrey pounding freemind and making him his bitch has gotta be the last fucking straw for him, right? thats the gordon clone that hes got the most in common with, both physically and personality-wise, and benrey is just. pulling his hair and yanking his tail up by the base and shoving his face into the ground and making him submit. all of the insane shit that vr gordons been idly daydreaming about, but only late at night when his defenses are at their lowest. when hes all fucking vulnerable and susceptible and shit

its the 5g, bro. and yet: heres benrey, balls deep in yet another doppelganger that Is Not Him, and by now hes so far gone for benrey that he cant just-- fucking-- cant just roll with it like he did for barmey, okay?

with barmey it was like... a game. a weird, fucked up game, where gordon was the one in control b/c he was using barmey to sublimate his own feelings for benrey. its not so fucking fun when the shoes on the other foot, when hes Not in control and its Not about him closing his eyes and thinking of benrey. he doesnt have the same fucking assurance that benreys thinking about him like that, b/c hes not in the guys head. and its so hard to tell what benreys thinking, anyway. hes hot then hes cold. hes tender, then hes leaving gordon in a massive fucking tizzy, completely unaware of the emotional ramifications of his actions.

anyway, the point being: that jealousy swells to its boiling point and gordon Snaps. he cant even pretend to be cool about it when he corners benrey later, taking advantage of every single inch of height he has over the guy, and starts yelling about how he doesnt GET it! what do they all have that he doesnt?! why is benrey still fucking all these other guys when theyre supposed to be-- like-- a thing!

and like... its enough to rattle even benrey a little. his eyes go wide, he gets a little flushed in the face. gordons yanking him up by the collar of his shirt, getting up close and personal and really letting him have it. then, when what gordons bitching about actually clicks, the shittiest little smirk crawls onto benreys face. so he wants them to be exclusive, huh? is that what this is all about?

"no, thats not all its fucking about!" but gordons very defensive about this, b/c it is, in fact, a large part of what its all about. hes sick of wrangling his own tangled and thorny feelings for benrey while feeling like hes kind of an afterthought.

(nevermind the fact that benrey schedules dates with him, talks to him all the time, texts him stupid memes just to make him laugh, and spends so much more time with him than any of their clones... he and barmey used to be close, or at least, close enough. but now gordons unequivocally in Best (Boy)Friend status, whether he realizes it or not.)

but what does he have to do? what does he fucking have to do to make benrey want to just-- just-- take whatever they have seriously?! what does he have to do to get benrey to FUCK him like that, for gods sake? when he wont even-- he wont even let gordon get off half the time they shack up, at least not without a fight, but he just goes out and bangs freemind within hours of meeting him! what the fuck is up with that?!

and that gets benreys eyebrows to raise all the way to his hairline. man, gordon just kind of spills his whole fuckin id out there without meaning to, huh. was that all he wanted? huh? for benrey to make him his bitch? make him feel all special or whatever? well, jeez, why didnt he just ask, instead of acting like he doesnt even like benrey half the time. benreys not the only one playing hot and cold here, okay 





there was a whole screed here but i got rid of it. so here is: trans gordon getting railed beyond belief

i think he deserves it. i think it would really loosen him up. and i keep thinking about him... looking like a guy like me. and still being desirable, just as he is. being tall and chubby and hairy and irritating and long-legged and huge-thighed and being bent over and fucked good and stupid

thinking about him rubbing one out every night from how bad he wants it and how much he wont let himself have it. b/c if hes anything like me he wont believe that benreys even capable of looking at him the way he wants to be looked at. its a terrible idea for so many reasons but he cant help just how fucking hot he gets when benrey talks down to him or berates him. hed hate it! itd drive him crazy! b/c hes convinced, dead-set convinced, that the moment benrey finds out what his deal is, hes either gonna become totally unattractive - abruptly subhuman - or attractive for all the wrong reasons. unable to conceive of himself as a desireable whole, but only as parts, and the parts dont mesh together at all in his mind. a neurotic fragmentation of the self

jesus christ. how wet hed get, instead of popping a really obvious boner. (his boner is less obvious by design.) hed be the only one to know... but hed know, feeling the unpleasant sensation between his thighs as he walks. and hed never be able to escape the feeling that benrey knows, too, that he can somehow look right into gordons brain and see it writ large. how hed hide away in a bathroom stall and desperately jack up the vibrator on his HEV suit to maximum while he jams his arm between his legs and rocks against it

> Benrey wouldn’t be able to resist him. And I think that when Gordon realizes that, it’s gonna hit him like a truck. I think Benrey would be chomping at the bit to get to him. Waiting for Gordon to catch on. Struggling to keep himself in check because good GOD he looks so good but he has to play nice. And then one day something slips—a tone, a touch that lingers too long, a look, a feeling—and Gordon is left with a realization that hits him like a bullet. 

> Benrey thinks he’s cute. Benrey wants to bury himself in Gordon. Benrey wants to make him howl.

> And Benrey still sees him as the neurotic, six-foot-something man that he is. Hell, that's the whole reason he ever wanted to have sex with Gordon in the first place: it's totally undeniable how masculine he is, even once he's got the HEV suit peeled off.

absolutely hideously embarrassed at how much i want benrey to suck his tits and eat him out and finger him open. told you i wanted him to get fucked stupid. all the stuff hes categorically denied himself, drawn out only over a long period of coaxing and cajoling and not-quite-reassurance (only benrey could manage to make him feel less insecure about himself by staring at him like hes gods dumbest idiot when he goes off on one of his tangents about Not Being A Real Guy Anymore Once You Get The Suit Off Him)... thats my shit

its literally exactly the same fucking deal as why im obsessed with cis gordon having Neuroses about bottoming. being the receptive partner carries a lot of baggage! its just reshuffling some of the parts around!

> Yeah? I think that’s good thoughts. Benrey taking good care of his best friend. Benrey telling him how good he tastes. Holding him open with those big, strong hands. Tongue on his dick, sucking around him. One set of fingers tracing towards the middle and slipping inside. One. Then two. Then threeeeee, so slow and careful.

i know hed be good at it i know he would everybody gives him that long fucking tongue. and those big fucking fingers

> God. Yeah. That TONGUE. So long and so dexterous. A tongue that knows what it’s doing.

n hed moan into gordons pussy cause he tastes so fucking good and hed chase gordon up the bed as he tries to squirm away and gordons so overwhelmed! groaning and squirming away because its too much! and his brain is telling him he wants it but his body is utterly, wholly overwhelmed because NOTHING has felt that good before

holding him down... pinning him open... tasting him and slipping his fucking tongue inside, making gordon howl and clutch the sheets

> Make him squirm and shout and yank the sheets clear off the bed. Make him tell his best friend just how GOOD he is to him.

[← back]