Tensile Strength: rough draft

this one has the opposite problem of the previous rough draft - i had a much smaller thing planned out, but then i got the green light to incorporate some Specific Ideas and added some ~6k words to the final thing at the drop of a hat. totally fucking worth it tho. if you know, you know

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THE SEQUEL: the one where gordon freeman actually goes over to benrey’s place and “plays street fighter”

the fateful day arrives. we see gordon nervously trying to get ready, like he’s preparing himself for a Real Date. pacing around his apartment, stressing over what he’s gonna wear, that kind of thing. then he remembers that he’s just going over to *benrey’s* place. ostensibly to play street fighter. he doesn’t need to stress about it, logically, but part of him is Way Too Aware of the subtext. and he’s feeling residually embarrassed about the Jerking Off Incident.

(he doesn’t really need to feel embarrassed about that, either, but he does. it wasn’t like him. and he doesn’t know how to deal with the sudden change in their relationship. but he was winging it last time, and like, every other time he’s interacted with benrey, so maybe it’ll work again?)

gordon’s working on one of his rube goldberg machines, trying and failing to redirect his anxiety, when he gets a ping from his PS3. it’s benrey, wondering where he’s at/when he’s coming over. it startles him so badly that he fucks up the whole thing and it falls to pieces. he yells swears into his pillow until it stops frustrating him so goddamn bad.

he doesn’t want to make any assumptions about what’s actually going to happen, so he brings his favorite fightpad when he heads out. gordon’s stiff as a board and sweating bullets when he finally shows up, because the less logical part of him thinks things are gonna go from zero to 100 and he isn’t coping very well.

[gordon notices that benrey’s not wearing his helmet. or his uniform. he hadn’t noticed any of this in the pic benrey sent him, b/c gordon could only see the lower half of his face. it’s jarring. but also it’s kind of… nice? it’s *humanizing*. his hair’s black and shaggy and on the short side. he’s in a gamer t-shirt and sweatpants. he’s got a floor mattress, and a shitty gaming setup on an upside-down rubbermaid tote, and empty bottles of bacardi on top of his fridge.

it’s kind of messy, but not gross. there’s an obvious attempt at cleaning up before gordon showed up - he’s got a recycling bin packed full of empty energy drink cans, and there’s a bunch of slightly-wet dishes drying on his counter. his walls are covered in posters. he’s got some 90s hip-hop playing, because that’s the most normal of his musical tastes and he’s trying very fucking hard not to immediately scare gordon off.]

benrey might be a dick, but he’s not, like, totally oblivious. he asks gordon what kind of energy drink he wants and starts listing off flavors until gordon gets annoyed. there. comfort zone. then he hurls one at gordon and nearly knocks him out cold. (it’s not intentional, but it *is* funny.)

and then they actually do play some street fighter. gordon plays like shit out of nerves, and benrey bullying him about it doesn’t help. so benrey gets a little fed up and uses the Black Mesa Sweet Voice to calm him down. just so he stops being such a neurotic lil’ bitch for a second. it works surprisingly well, and all the tension leaches out of gordon until he’s melting into the couch. it’s nice. benrey almost says something nice but covers it up at the last second with a half-assed attempt at bullying him.

they switch to playing payday 2, with the rest of the science gang alongside. (this doesn’t strictly work canonically but who gives a shit.) It helps Gordon chill the fuck out and not get stuck in his own head about potentially fucking Benrey. And it gives me an excuse to tie in them laughing and having fun together like they did in the ACAB stream. “smoke some weed and calm down maybe.” they share a blunt and this gets gordon to chill the fuck out enough to actually have some fun.

he doesn’t remember why he was so freaked out in the first place. it’s just benrey. gordon recovers enough to wipe the floor with him, and it feels good. like they’re friends. except that benrey stretches at one point, and his shirt rides up, and gordon notices the little curve of his stomach and the dark hair there, and, Ah. he Remembers. his mouth goes dry, but not from nerves.

the weed goes straight to his head, and he asks benrey what other kinds of flavors it has. this is not the question benrey was expecting. but he’s got all kinds: Blue(tm), lemon-lime, dr. pepper. they’re all flavors of either powerade or soft drinks. of course. black mesa loves its soda-drinking and potion-making. it turns out benrey can do a lot more than just calm people down with the sweet voice. (that is a nice one, though.) they can make people angry. they can make people anxious. gordon wonders what those are like, but benrey’s weirdly cagey about it. turns out that he likes pissing gordon off the old fashioned was a lot more. its more fun. (gordon should not be flattered by this, but he is so fucking stupid for benrey by now.)

they can make gordon all fucking giggly like a schoolgirl, too. and then theres the Horny ones.

there’s got to be a way to organically go from “chilling” to “making out, maybe”, but he was never exactly a suave operator when he was in his prime and actually talked to girls. he’s always been kind of awkward about that shit. his eyes start furtively drifting towards benrey while they’re gaming. something funny happens in his heart/chest/stomach area. like butterflies. he’s caught off guard by how much he likes hearing benrey laugh.

or not so furtively - benrey catches on, and gordon flushes from toe to tip when benrey catches him looking and *smirks*. he stretches out deliberately, exposing more of his stomach and flexing his arms.

“like what you see, bro?”

“H— Huh?” the gears don’t turn very fast. but yeah. he does. his eyes linger on all the parts of benrey he normally keeps behind his uniform.

they get to fucking making out somehow. idk the exact specifics. but it’s slow, starting with languid, hesitant kisses. (reference that one gifset?) benrey initiates, and gordon’s so surprised that he can’t help but blink repeatedly. the shock makes him freeze up a little. but it’s not bad. not bad at all. benrey pulls back a little to gauge his reaction. gordon’s kind of star-struck, still blinking, mouth hanging open.

before gordon has a chance to properly process this, benrey goes back in, more sure of himself. his hand finds gordon’s face, and it’s broad and rough and warm on his jaw. gordon’s hands drift to the outside of benrey’s arms, tentative and subconscious, and something breaks in him and he *kisses back*.

they’re a little opposite in build - gordon is tall and lanky, benrey is short and stocky. but god, does benrey have the muscles of a security officer. gordon clutches at his biceps and pushes forward into benrey’s space.

benrey pulls back, and his eyes are dark, dark, darkly intent. gordon is struck by the sudden feeling that he’s about to be eaten alive. the way benrey grins at him doesn’t help. “not bad freeman. didn’t think you’d be a good kisser.”

“Wh— What’s that supposed to mean?”

benrey answers that by pressing closer and kissing him again. this time, there’s a lot of him in gordon’s space, legs brushing together. then benrey pushes forward, not-so-subtly guiding him backwards on the couch so he can crawl over gordon. their legs tangle. gordon gets his hands in benrey’s hair, then on his hips, then benrey forcibly relocates a hand to his ass. when gordon squeezes, he honest-to-god moans. gordon’s feeling bold, and he takes the initiative to sweep his tongue into benrey’s mouth. he’s not expecting how benrey moans into his mouth afterward.


lets see. rework sweet voice scene: gordon doesnt notice that benreys hard. instead, the last bit of sweet voice makes gordon *akathisic* - he’s brimming with restless energy. tapping his foot. he really wants to wrestle, for some reason? maybe arm wrestling? yeah. then that transforms into sparring, and benreys *really* into it. theyre sublimating a lot of pent up feelings into this.

gordon gets benrey flipped onto his back, and pins him with an arm behind his back. a hand shoving his face into the ground. just like he imagined. benreys flushed, but hes fucking grinning, and his hips rock subconsciously into the floor. “oh no. oh, youre really into this, huh,” gordon says, but the truth is that *he’s* into it, too. he pushes a little harder, and benrey makes a Sound like gordons never heard before, and its so fucking good.

“cmon, freeman,” benrey croaks, “you like this shit, dont you? how long you been thinking about shoving benny-boy into the fuckin’ ground? i know you want to.” its then that gordon realizes that A) benreys bigger than him, B) benreys stronger than him, seeing as hes a lil MIT bitch, and C) benreys *letting* him do this. benrey *wants* this, and his smart-assed question reveals a lot more than it intends. *how long has benrey been thinking about this?*

gordon’s been half-hard the whole time, and he presses himself into benreys back as he leans forward, arms shaking. this is it - this is that line hes been thinking about crossing all fucking day - and his hand tangles into benreys hair and pulls up so he can say into benreys ear, “the whole fucking time, asshole.*”

“yeah? do it, pussy.”

his hand clenches, and benrey hisses, but his hips rock into the ground and gordons hips roll against his back in turn. his back is densely muscled - gordon can see the outlines through his thin t-shirt. “told you i was gonna,” he mutters, flushed and heady with the knowledge that he could take this a step further. he envisions fucking benrey into the mattress, just like this, making him make that fucking *noise* again, and his head swims.

“fuck yeah,” benrey says dizzily. his free hand digs deep grooves into the carpet. his mouths starting to run like a motor, letting out a truly filthy string of expletives. gordon shudders from the sheer force of arousal that hits him like a brick to the head. he pulls benreys hair to crane his head up just a little further, enough to hurt, and buries his face in the junction of benreys neck and shoulder. he smells… weird, kind of musky and sweaty, but *good*. really good. he takes a shuddering breath and feels benrey swallow hard.

hes feeling cocky and so goddamn dumb, and he says more lurid shit into benreys ear. “yeah? you want me to fuck you? tell me how many times you jerked off to me. im pretty goddamn sure that wasnt a one-time thing. and you better not lie, cause im not stupid, benrey. ill get up and leave you here like this.”

“oh— fuck— a lot,” he gasps. “shot my wad every fuckin’ night thinkin’ about you.”

“while i was sleeping?” he sounds surprised, but in retrospect, he really shouldnt be.

“yuhh— yeah. gets boring. got nothin’ else to do. cant even— cant even watch.”

“i *knew* you were watching me sleep,” gordon mutters to himself. “goddamnit.” doesnt stop his boner, tho.

abruptly, benrey takes advantage of his distraction to flip them around again. his coffee table rattles. he grabs gordons wrists in his hands and pins them above his head, slotting a leg between his own to crush them together. benreys heavy, and the full weight of him makes gordons heart jump into his throat. and hes hard, too. up close and personal like this, he can *feel* benreys dick against his own, and it makes him twitch. benreys grin ratchets up a notch. hes drooling a little and his eyes are wild.

“cmon, gordonnn. why you just layin there. fight back a little. lets fuckin *play*.” he grinds down, and theres benreys dick and his stomach rubbing against the bulge in his jeans and its almost suffocating but its so, so good.

“fuck,” gordon hisses. its kind of uncomfortable, too - his jeans dont have a lot of room in there and theyre rough as hell. he struggles against benreys grip - not out of fear, but out of a desire to win. god, benreys strong, though. hes got arms like pillars of marble, soft-looking like [that one really skilled sculptor] but hard as rock underneath.

“oh? little baby man wants me to let go?” he ducks his head down close to gordons face. “try harder, friennnd.” he sucks in a deep breath thru his nose, breathing in gordons scent, then licks the side of his jaw with a broad tongue. then up to his face.

“god, fucking gross, benrey,” gordon snaps, to disguise the fact that a jolt’s just gone through his spine. it was warm and wet (and, yes, kind of gross) and it makes him wonder what it would feel like somewhere else. (his throat. his mouth. his dick.) he rocks his hips upward in defiance, harder than he thinks he ordinarily would, and benrey lets out a hot, humid, shuddering breath near his ear.

“youre all— all hard for me, shit, look at you,” benrey taunts. “lookin good like this. maybe ill keep you here. whatchu gonna do about it?”

An idea springs to mind. “if thats what you want,” he starts, “you should let me get my jeans off first. shits uncomfortable.”

benreys face goes a little slack, like hes not expecting this, and his eyes dart to gordons groin. “huh,” he says. “uhhh. yeah.” (the thought of getting gordons pants off for-real short-circuits him a little.) he lifts a hand from gordons wrist and drags it down his front, where its broad and hot even though the fabric of his t-shirt. his breathing goes shallow as it approaches his dick. then it finds his bulge, and gordon groans aloud as he arches into it.

hold on. right. stick to the game plan. he uses his newly-free hand to shove at benreys shoulder and knock him onto his side. got his ass. benrey blinks at him, surprised, but like before, hes letting this happen - there probably isnt much gordon could physically *make* him do if he didnt want it. finally, gordon shoves him onto his back and crawls on top of him in a reversal of their previous position, an arm at his throat.

“gotcha,” he laughs breathlessly.

benreys mouth splits into a toothy, ugly smile. “yeah, bro. you got me,” he drawls. when he swallows, gordon can feel his throat bob against his arm. his arms fall flat against the ground in an exaggerated show of deference.

[some fucking— stuff. bridge the gap.]

[editors note: this is as far as i got in the rough draft before i decided to write the final version so there is no Rough Draft for the shit after this. not a smart idea buuuut yknow]

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